Adi.Crush

Playing with fire

2011-01-18T22:58:00.000-08:00

Hey guys, just wanted you all to know that I'm not welcomed to hang at section 13 anymore ; or anywhere else to be exact.It was all because of some stupid *and ugly person who was too sensitive and thinks that I didn't have the right to give her advice.You're messing with the wrong person bitch.Be ready for a painful comeback.You just wait.Btw,this is her Facebook page.And I know , she's one ugly piece of shit.

facebook.com/sillydidy

New Year Resolution

2011-01-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

2011 came like a blow to my ego.I mean, generally I would say that 2010 was definitely a challenge to me ; emotionally and physically.As I have should realized earlier that I was wasting time on my crush , Faiz.

I mean, again and again I have told him that playing with peoples feelings? -not cool.But he fails to grasp this advice.I can't say that he's stupid 'cause he's really smart.So I think he just has trust issues. -,-

And almost ALWAYS , I will always say at least something about him , even if that post didn't have ANYTHING to do with him. *I have issues too I guess.

He recently said that he appreciates my presence but due to the "death" of one his friends back in Taiping , he needs time on his own.But puhhhh-leaaaaseeeeee.Since when he speaks truthfully to me? One word , BULLCRAP.

I've read you're blog (don't know why I did it) and I knew if it wasn't about you're scandals,it would be about him.You're "knight in shining armor".The one who gives his everything to you and made you feel special.I know I've failed in doing so,but who cares right?In the end,no matter how noble you are,no matter how faithful you are, and no matter how honest you are,it ALL DEPENDS ON YOUR FUCKING LOOKS.So I say , fuck that.I have wasted 3 years of MY life for this shit? FUCK YOU MAN , FUCK YOU.

You should know that I'm crying while I'm typing this.There was never ever any doubt in my love for you.But I guess you took that for granted too.You are trash.I regret the day I met you.

So fuck you , and all you're friends.I'm throwing out ALL of you're shit from my life.Goodbye motherfucker.

About ciggarettes and heartbreaks

2010-11-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I've posted any shit (a month to be exact).But all was because I haven't found the time to lay it out on my blog.I miss my blog,like seriously. *I once said that it was a place for me to pour my heart out.

Well now,I've gained new friends.Lost some.And some consider me a nuisance? Bahh,to hell with that.A lot of my friends left me because it seems that I didn't know that hanging out with other people is wrong for some reason? One word : Immature.

Since I know that the universe works in strange ways, I can predict that good stuff will happen to me eventually.All those feelings of being left alone doesn't affect me anymore.It's like I've grown immune to sadness.All I know now is to feel only happiness.

And I came to a realization that crushes and scandals come and go like seasons.I think thats how the cycle work I guess.My life seems to look like an adventure now.Wouldn't want it any other way.Just wished I had more time to talk about whats been happening.Got to go.Will write soon :)

Homosexual Concept.

2010-09-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

So I yesterday I just got back from Malacca with some friends from the UiTM campus that was in Malacca.Since I didn't have any classes and I had a LOT of time to spare, I just followed them.And mann,IT WAS AWESOME! ;D

We arrived at about 2 p.m. I guess, and went straight to the campus' study hall.It's much BIGGER than mine in Shah Alam.And the students there looked stern and studied all the time.I mean,they look like theyve been studying all the time. 0.o

Before breaking fast, we went to Dataran Pahlawan and just layed on the field and took some pictures.I dunno what made it fun,but I seriously forgot about all of my problems and just had fun. :D

After we ate I saw this huge pole that was called the 'Tamingsari'.It was like this tower that had this spinning platform and it spins round-and-round from top to bottom.So people would see all of Malacca and its glory. :D

Before sahur,we were already on our way back Shah Alam. *after stopping by the Malacca's Uptown. ;)

The trip was great and I hope I can go there again :)

*btw,I'm back to being gay.HAHA

Sparks Flying ;)

2010-09-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

Being in a relationship with a girl is something I RARELY go through.But when I do,it feels like magic.

My friends once said to me that "Being in love with a girl is definately DIFFERENT than being in love with a guy".At that moment,I just felt like they were just babbling some crap about girls and stuff.

But let me tell you,the feeling is like WAYYYYY different.Almost cosmic I think? o.0

Strange thing is,when I tell people that I like girls now,the guys suddenly are attracted to me.I mean, what-the-fuck is that man? -,-

Some of my friends are starting to tell me that "She's not your type" or "She's not that good".But I say, LIKE I FREAKIN' CARE Y'ALL.haha *what is that supposed to be? :p

The next post is going to be about her.Right now I'm too happy and I might babble a lot like I'm doing now and I'm afraid it would be LONG and BORING.So I'm just going to put up her picture.Just to thicken the suspense :)

Her name starts with an 'S' :)

Swift-chopping

2010-08-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today has been a good actually for me.When the clock struck 12,my friends suddenly sang the birthday song.Seriously at first,I didn't have a clue as to whose birthday it was.Then I saw my friend , Jebat being all blushy and stuff.HAHA.Didn't even crossed my mind dude.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEBAT RAZALI.ALL THE BEST FOR YOU :)

Just finished playing COD with the guys and tonight not feeling good.I think I'm a little off today -,-

Guess what?I'm in love with Matt from youtube.But he often calls himself, swiftkaratechop.Dayym that's a cool name :o

He is SOOOOO energetic and hyper for no reason and that makes ME hyper for no reason.I dunno.His craziness kinda rubbed off on me :)

I think I'll take up vlogging as a new hobby.Gonna try my luck tomorrow and see how I look in video.If I'm ugly,then I won't be posting it -__-"

Btw,saw Faiz just now at Baraa.He was with his friends,but I sorta had this tiny bit of jealousy seeing him with those people.Pffft.Just let it be.

Oh yeahhh,I sorta think I got to have a catchy-catchphrase to go with my vlog.I'll need help with this.I'm not that "catch-phrase-creator-kind-of-type".

So see you guys soon in my vlog -- hopefully :D

Teenage Dreams :)

2010-08-06T10:59:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to Katy Perry's current single which is "Teenage Dream" and I must say it makes me happy whenever I catch it playing anywhere.Sometimes I even dance (which is kinda weird) in public and even though people laugh at me (who doesn't?), I still dance on.I dunno.That kind of songs makes me happy for no reason.

Even though my love life is kinda on hold at the moment,it makes me think about my future.I'm currently at a crossroad between a girl and a boy that I love so much.But I dunno which one that I should choose.I know that most people would want me to go straight.(DUH!)

The girl's name is Hanan.I knoww.It sounds like its a boy's name.But I have long looked over those petty things since I've known her.She makes me feel like I'm worth something.Even when I don't feel like I'm worth anything.

So now it seems that I have reached a point where I am forced to make a decision.Girl or boy?Gay or staright?hmmmm.So many questions pop into my head right now and I'm getting more and more confused.Let me just take my time on this and I'll update anything that happens :)

Should I ?

2010-07-28T13:12:00.000-07:00

"When the lights go out.We'll be safe and sound. We'll take control of the world, likes its all we have to hold onto and we'll be

A dream"

He added me on Facebook but I didn't know whether to aprove or not.Because I know the moment I approve, I will always be checking his page and I know that I'll get hurt.But I just did it.I accepted his friend request.

And like anyone would expect, I got sad.It's not right for me to get sad because I'm with Mie.But I dont know.Maybe he's the person that I'll never ever forget no matter how many people I will be with.

We used the have these dates that we set up on our birthday.Everytime my birthday comes around, he will be my boyfriend for a day.And I will ALWAYS remember his promise to let me touch his hand anytime in the day of my birthday.It was sweet but never lasts.Its like I can see it in his eyes that he's faking every second of it.

Too many things to tell about him here so I won't babble all of it now.But I just hate the fact that I can't shake off my feelings for him.And probably the fact that Mie is trying to shove me away made me think so too.

I wish that I can just be in a room and let everything I have on my mind loose.But I doubt that my feelings for him would go away just like that.

So thinking back , was it the right thing to aproove him?My mind says no but my heart says yes.

Mie :D

2010-07-23T20:45:00.001-07:00

I'm currently in love with Mie :)

So , sorry guys and girls.Maybe next time.I LOVE YOU MIE :D

Mie

It happens all the time

2010-07-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

I cant remember when you looked at me and cried, saying something broke inside of you.You're my best friend and whatever comes our way you know I'm your guy 'till the very end.

When i finally go away, I know you'll look for me one day.Because I know you'll do.I can't remember when you put your hands on mine.But now the only time you touch my hand now is when we say hello or goodbye.I can't remember the last time that we used to sing our songs together and it always ended with a kiss.

Every morning I wake up with the memories of us.The time we used to smile when we looked at each other.The time that we said i love you in the middle of day just cause.The time that we held hands just because you were scared of being apart.

And when I almost lost all my love for you,you DID came back and looked for me.Texting me,calling me just because you were feeling all alone.I tried making you hate me but even I couldn't do it.What guy could?

Now you're just a few steps away from me yet you don't have the time to see me.I know you have others, but just remember that it was me who carried you up when you fell down.It was me who came to take care of you even though I was sick.It was me that helped you through all the rough times that you had.It was me.

My love for you will never fade as long as I'm close to you.And when you finally realize that I'm the one, I hope it will not be too late.Because my heart's broken in so many ways that I find it impossible to love anymore.

Boi,I'll always be with you.Even if you don't even need me anymore.I LOVE YOU

Why?

2010-06-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

Would i bother to read his stories when i already knew that i would get these sick emotions?Maybe it's because my love for him is like a light that had never dimmed a little.It always shined bright like the sun.

I'm not bothered by the fact that he said publicly that i'm not important like i used to be back when i first met him.Maybe i just have problem trying to accept that people in fact DO change.And i will to eventually.

Boi,if you're reading this , i want you to know that a part of my heart is still with you and if you don't want it anymore then you can give it back to me when you get here back.ily

Looks Like I Still Need You After All

2010-04-05T05:50:00.001-07:00

When my world is falling apart

When there's no light to break up the dark

That's when I, I...

I look at you

Everybody needs inspiration.And you are MY inspiration.I'm okay with us just being friends.But i want you to know that i'll always love you :)

If This Doesn't Work Out...

2010-03-25T05:02:00.000-07:00

Then I'll Never Love Again.

You're Just Like Gravity

2010-03-25T04:39:00.000-07:00

Evertime i try to leave, i'll always think about you and come grovling back.There's something about you that is always pulling me back to you even though i'm trying to leave you.My heart died a long time ago and you were the one responsible for it.

I've tried my best to leave you and be done with you.But youv'e done so much for me.And you were always there for me.How could i ever leave you?You know how nice I am to you.

I hope that if i have Razeen in my life than i don't have to worry about you anymore.But i guess with a face like that , i wouldn't even pass as a friend.I know i shouldn't give up this early.But i already know what the result would be.So why should i even try right?

But seriously, i'm forever in pain unless i'm with another.Because your'e pulling me back to you.Just like gravity. :'(

Pathetic

2010-03-25T04:15:00.000-07:00

Yo asshole , don't go bitchin' to people about how much you were paid for work you didn't do at all.Btw , what a pussy you are bitchin' to others that you got yelled at for not listening to me.

Anak orang kaya kan.Spoiled na mampos.Kesian je aku tgk.hahaha :DD

My New Mission

2010-03-25T04:08:00.000-07:00

I cant stop thinking about him now that i know that i might actually have a chance.It's been a while since i've felt this happy and now i have a mission ; to win his heart before somebody else does.

Deep down i know that i actually don't have a chance in the world , but i'm just trying my luck.If it doesn't happen , than i guess i'll just have to accept it.I know i'm not THAT good looking ; and i'm just trying to win him over with my kindness and compassion.But in the end , LOOKS always win.huh.That means i gotta try even harder than before.

Oh yeah, his name's Razeen.Damn,what a hottie.haha :D

I Mean Like, What The Hell?

2010-03-19T13:52:00.000-07:00

I started my job today and it had a good beginning but a bad ending.Here's what I imagined working with my friends would be like : "Having a great time and making money along the way without worrying about any problems".

Well , that image was drawn COMPLETELY wrong.Here is how it went down.

Me and eddie were to look after our booth and register any buyers or people that are interested in buying our product.Okay , it SOUNDS simple enough , but i'm not done yet.The registering part had to do with us putting in their IC numbers to check if they can buy our stuff and then had to register their numbers if the could buy the stuff.THEN , we had to fill the forms for them and lots more.

I know it still sounds easy but imagine this , to register one person we would need about 10 minutes to complete the forms and everything.That amount of time already sounds too long for a person to wait for.But what if at that time 6 people came and all of them wanted to buy?How long would that take? :\

But it seems like SOME people (and i meant 2 of them) were saying that WE (me and eddie) are taking the easy road.

HELLLOOOO pukimak.Aku pnat2 wt keje2 tu sume and ape ko wat?Jalan2,g smayang smpai bpe kali tah.mrayau ke mne2 tah pastu bsing2 pasal aku ngan eddie dpt duduk?TU JE KE BODOH!

Ble aku bg duduk, pastu aku amek keje ko,the moment ade pembeli dtg ko trus pggil aku kn?bdoh ke bangang tu haaaa?ble da abes ko bsing2 lg na duduk.EH KEMAK.OTAK KO TU DA ROSAK KE APE HA?

Tu satu, pastu pasal gaji lakk na bsing sbb ta ckup sume.Tu lagi la kemak kan.Ko na isi borang pun cm bdk cacat.Na DREG pun lembab cm pukimak anjing pastu na gaji lbeh?Padahal aku ngan eddie wt pnat2 smpai kelam kabut na mampos tp ktorang ta ksah pun psal gaji sbb ktorang wt pun sbb ikhlas na tlong Acu.

So fuck the hell off lah.If you expect to be paid a lot amount of money for work that you didn't do much , you might as well go fuckin' die.'nuff said

Hidden Truth

2010-03-11T08:46:00.000-08:00

"Regrets"

Today was a turning point in my life.I lost my lover , i lost a friend , i have problems with my parents and im not the same when im with my friends.

I dont know what's with my parents nowadays but its getting worse and worse everyday.Personally i think that they dont have nobody to blame for their actions because my sister's not here anymore.Somethings wrong with them. *need to get them fixed.

For now im just laying in my bed thinking about what will happen after i get my result.To my surprise, I didn't do well.Wish it was better, but i guess i got what i deserved i guess?

I'm also trying to change my life that i had led so wrongly and start fresh.But just the thought of it makes me cry.I dont like being a bitchy emo but some things are hard to change.If it was up to me, i would like to live this life forever ; or until i get tired of it.

"Jealousy"

I want to tell you things that i have kept deep in my heart for these past 2 years.If only i have the courage to tell you everything.But i knew from the start that you will probably leave me and think nothing of it.I dont know why you still can't see how much i love you.

The way you say that you're not seeing anybody is just bullshit."You're the sweetest ever"
I have yet to receive a sentence like that from you.It breaks my heart to see the person i love the most lie to me in front of my face just like that.Don't i mean anything to you anymore?Who am i to you these days?Just the guy who gives you money?

I don't think a problem like this will be solved if i slept it off.I need to regain the courage that i had long ago and just put it all on the table.I don't like this part and where it's going , but we need to talk.

Will It Ever End?

2010-03-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

Before this drama begane,i have never agreed to the saying about friends being the ones who will eventually bring a person down.It was a stupid saying ; ludacris to be exact to believe in such petty words.

A close friend of mine once told me , "Adi , ur too nice.I mean,its okay to be nice ONCE in a while.But being nice ALL of the time is not good.People WILL take advantage of you and i dont like that".

I took those words in consideration and started to not be too nice by being quiet.*yeah,its a weird way to aproach my problem by doing this but i figured it was the easiest way.

Soon i found my strength and recently i left one of my friend.Literally left him.haha.I felt like i have accomplished my mission to become not too nice :)

The thing that made me happiest was that i have crushed his ego in tiny little bits.Everyone knew i was a people-pleaser but when i told of this to the others, they were like in awe.or something like that.

I now spend time alone and not being in the way of others and that is what i plan to do from now on.Wish me luck :)

Giving up is what I do nowadays

2010-03-06T11:57:00.000-08:00

"putus kawan".That's the term that im hearing a lot these days.I never thought i would be the guy who would slip those words out of my mouth , but guess what?I did.

It was all because of the multi level shit that dumb kids tend to fall for now.Im dissapointed that one of my friends fell for this trap and is holding it tight in his hand.Its like seeing a close friend holding a grenade in his hand.Surely i would be the one who gives advice about the pro's and con's of his actions,but his ego was too big to swallow my words.

I dont like loosing friends willy-nilly.I might as well throw them off of a cliff one by one :(

The pain im in is severe and i think i might not recover at all.I keep on loosing the people that i love and that makes me re-think about my actions these days.Should i let them go or should i just keep on like this until i dont have anyone anymore?

For the first time in my life, i dont have an answer for my own problem.

Its Time

2010-02-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

To let him go.I just cant believe it *cries*

Heartless

2010-01-31T08:42:00.000-08:00

Today i learned that no matter how much good i do,i still end up being treated like shit.This thought always wandered in my mind for a long time , but i have always denied it.It seemed to obvious to me that people sometimes "use" me for their own advantage.I guess im just too nice.And thats ONE of my many flaws.

Even on my birthday i could see the unwilling faces of the people that i went to celebrate with.Is it too hard to just say : "Hey , i dont think i wanna come with you to celebrate your birthday because i think youre boring and shit".If you dont want to come then tell me.Im like that.*Hey, thats honesty for ya.

Even though i seldom go back to who i am looooong ago,but when i do i think of a lot of possibilities.

1)I would be better off without friends because thats who i really am
2)I dont have too be caught in the middle when trouble comes.
3)I dont have to waste my time listening to some bullshit affair that i REALLY dont give a fuck about

But in the end i dont always do those things.Probably because i like to surround myself with people ; more when i feel vulnerable.But being blamed for something that i didnt do is just something that i have come to realize.WHY ME?

I dont really like to cause problems because i usually like to dwell in my own mind rather than causing drama and shit.Sometimes its tempting,but i have never gave in to that temptation.I just think its immature to live in a life full of drama.

And seriously, im not talking to one of you is because that person used to be the one that i looked up to.But when that person made me felt like that i didnt have someone to turn to,i get dissapointed ; Im dissapointed in you Pian.

I always have to remember one thing about falling in love with people that i dont know ; they dont always like/love you back.It sucks,but i have to realize that one day.And i did.

Im not heartless.Im just getting used to being in the real world.And believe me,it sucks,way more than being punched in the gut. :(

Being Honest

2010-01-26T07:07:00.000-08:00

To this day people have yet to understand what it means to have friends.Maybe some of them would realize that having friends doesnt necessarily means you have to forget your gf/bf.but the horrible drama that im spiralling in is indeed stressing me.I guess i dont need friends?

p/s ; i miss F <33

Forgiveness

2010-01-23T08:14:00.000-08:00

Im sorry if what i had said hurt anybody in any way.But some of the actions that i had done was not by accident and i have planned to do so in a long time.I dont regret the things that i have done because it was the right thing to do.

I dont regret not talking to you anymore.You have hurt me when i was vulnerable and i hate you for that.So next time dont talk to me anymore

Silenced

2010-01-21T14:39:00.000-08:00

The trip to Kalumpang was great!It was by far the bes trip that i had been on in my life.What made it more special was the people that i went with.Trips like this should be travelled with friends.And although we got lost and missed our train (by accident),it was one of those moments that one would remember 'till he's old.

I guess i was lucky when i didnt get bitten by any leeches.I was the only guy wearing track botttoms.Hey,it pays to be safe. :)

After a LOOOONG walk in the jungle, we went to wash ourselves at the river.It was FUCKIN' cold.I bet penguins would shiver if they fe;lt how cold the water was.But after a couple of minutes i got over the cold and washed myself.

All of us were tired by the time we reached home,but it was worth it.A trip like that should be done once in a while. :D

All the fun and happiness that i was surrounded with made me forget how much i hated my brother and my bestfriend.Sure I talk about the good things about them,but a few know what they're like in real life.They're assholes.

I really dont get it with ollie,from time to time he's proven how a dick he is.I know you got a stinkin' boyfriend.But COME ON man.Sticking with him 24/7 is just bullcrap.Just coz he's an ugly shemale that doesn't know how to give his/her boyfriend time to see other people doesnt mean you have to fuckin listen to him/her ALL THE FUCKIN' TIME.That's just fuckin wrong man.You dont have to feel THAT sorry for an ugly loser like him.And whats with him starting a shitty fight about me hitting on you?Hey,dont make yourself look that pathetic.Im not mad at you,i just feel SORRY for you dumbass.

Moving on to the next asshole,my bestfriend.He knows that i have the biggest crush on him since like FOREVER.But still he posts shit about other guys that he likes.I mean,i know its YOUR fuckin' blog but hello fucker,i've always been there for you.Dont i deserve anything?You dont even read my fuckin' blog you ungratefull dickhead.I wish you would die.If not by my hands,than i hope it will be by that guy you like so much.

Sorry i look kinda mad,but i've been keeping these thoughts for so long.And i need to let them out.So go to hell to the people who are pissed off with me coz i don't even fuckin' care.Goodbye

Lifetime Crushes.

2010-01-08T01:06:00.000-08:00

Well im doing it.im posting a blog about my past crushes.Hope it doesnt gross you out.haha.Im arranging it according to gender ; guys then girls.

Faryd : The guy that made me felt that i was loved for who i am.In the end he couldnt keep his dick in his pants.haha

Fad : The guy which i never paid much attention to.It was like a fling.I was just wasting time with him. :D

Alep : The guy with the most drama and finally left me out of the blue.LOL

Ame : He fought for me when i was in trouble.But somehow i lost him.To this day im baffled :

Arez : The guy who always flirt with me and makes me fall for him and then telling me he's already taken.Like,wtf kn?2 kali kot kna ngan mamat nih ;\

Cha : This guy is not worth telling about.

Ejat : The "straight" student from UiTM.What a fuckin liar.

Kiki : He tried to love me but he caused more trouble when he tried.

Ismat : He was a rempit.haha.damn i was desperate. :o

Is : He was a jerk.'nuff said.

Kae : The guy who loved me too much till i got scared of him.I think he was a sadistic rapist?

Ollie : My guy that left me to go fuck a hotter guy.Well,fuck u la ok.Im still depressed about him.

Pian : Of course la kt skola kna ade crush kn?haha.But that was before i knew him.Now we're good friends.And i wouldnt want it any other way :)

Zach : He was too into me.What a perv

Zaef : My current crush.Love him too much.I hope i dont get crazy.

Faiz : I was always in love with him from the start.And that feeling will never EVER go away.

So yeah,then there were the girls.

Aina : Boarding school.Back then ,i used to LIKE ugly people.funny :p

Angie : The model(?) from the states.Even though i was younger,she treated me like i was her husband.Too bad she went back to the states.

Anisah : She was a chinese who converted to islam.I was happy to hear that her friends can finally accept her for who she is. :)

Eila : I always had a crush on her.But too bad she's with that jerk.Im a better guy than him

Ina : I just called her yesterday.She's still single after a big fight.I hope i can win her heart again :(

Intan : She's cute and funny and i always have a great time when im with her.Miss talking with her.

Kelly : We were bestfriends.But at one point i thought i fell for her.And she did too.But because she was too loyal to her bf,she chose him over me.That's why we're not besties animore :(

Lysa : I dropped my jaw when i went to see her.She was gorgeous.Glad that we're still friends.

Eisha : The long time lover which ended in chaos.She's in Australia living with her now divorced mum.

Myra : A dumb girl where i lost a friend in trying to impress her.Both of us was in love with her.But in the end i won :D

Reena : She was a year younger than me but still she looked more matured than i did.Now how weird is that? o.0"

Sarah Adila & Ferra : They both looked the same and i was madly in love for the both of them.But after my phone was destroyed,i didnt feel like i was worth it for them :(

So you see,im not ALL that gay.I just tend to screw guys more than girls.haha.

Please Forget Me

2010-01-06T15:44:00.000-08:00

Guys,if im not the guy u wanted me to be,then i ask you to just forget me.Sure you guys are doing the right thing,but i wont change for anything in this world.I have a confession to make.

I always said that i would change for your sake,but i lied.i didnt want to change at all.i want to stay like this.And if i changed,i want it to be for a person that i love.

If this is hard to swallow then just leave me.Im okay not having people around.My lifes like that right now so i can easily manipulate the situation.I prefer having friends who love me and care for me than friends who talk behind my back.

Since i have more guy friends now,a lot of them would ask who i liked during school.Guys and girls.But i would say nobody.Actually i wanted to post a blog about my high school crushes,but i havent got the time.

Im too caught up in the moment to be thinking about guys or girls that i like and will never have the chance to be with.Its better if i get ready for things in the future rather than things that have passed.

I will post a blog about my crushes.But i would expect people to get uncomfartable with it.But my current crushes are :

1)faiz
2)ollie
3)zaef

I love these three people.And their pics are already here.You can find them yourselves.haha.call me gay but im not.Im a bisexual psycopath.haha.

Unforgetable

2009-12-28T09:37:00.000-08:00

From the bottom of my heart , i had always believed in the power of love.Call me corny but that's how my mind works.I always thought that if a certain person cares and is always there for you,he/she loves you.But from time to time ive been wrong about that statement.

Having a new crush in my life is very very normal.I tend to move on to others if i didnt like them.But during the times that i have been with somebody,i thought of the person that i have always failed to impress.

If you guys followed my blog then you should know who im talking about.But after my new petbro, Ollie came into my life,i felt like i have a brother.Like,a real one.haha

The little things that he does for me is obviously something my friends should be jealous about.Even when he has to meet his girlfriend,he takes me for a ride in his car.That sounded gay enough,even for me :p

New years coming soon and i have yet to get my friend to go celebrate with me.So i guess i'll just sit at home and eat ice cream 'till i barf.Happy New Year guys.

Predictable

2009-11-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

Today i figured out the meaning of life.Smoking ciggs.haha.Last nite i had a fever dat wont go away and kept me from sleeping.i was tired.yet,i had the time to think abot others when i was the one in pain.How weird is that? ;p

I found a joke book in one of my boxes from when i moved.One joke in particular made me laugh like hell.It wasnt really a joke,it was kinda like funny questions.One of them went like this :

"If practice makes perfect.and nobody's perfect.Why practice at all?" ;p

Another one was like this :

"God is love.Love is blind.Ray Charles is blind.Does that make Ray Charles god?" :D

Im hungry.I better go eat.Bubye blog people :)

Im your biggest fan

2009-11-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

"promise i'll be kind"

I cud if wud but i cudnt.haha.I tend to not hear wut people say to me.Dats just me. :)

"we'd be so fantastical"

We wud if we were but we're not.Im such an emo-bitch. :p

To say if i EVER needed you in my life wud mean that im lying.You took advantage of me and im fucking pissd off.Shud we ever meet,i guess a punch in the balls wud be approppriate. :)

People wud say that i'm just being a jerk to you.But i say,FUCK them.Why shud I listen to people that i hate rite?Its just weird that people tend to get into my bussiness and spread things they shudnt.What dickheads.

Btw,wher are u abg ame?i tried finding u but i cant.

"Tayah la crik2 abg lg.abg ta ksah"

U dont but i do.You used to stand up for me whenever i had problems.Its just sad that you wud get rid of all those memories just like that.That is saddd ;(

To try getting myself all emo-ie and sad,i spend time with my frens.i mean,lovers arent forever y'know?

"Love is suppose to be a great thing. It is not suppose to make you a bitch who shuts out friends.Nobody deserves it, to be kicked out, thrown out, shoved out of somebody lifes with a quickness for just another person.in the end it never lasts anyway"

eddy.crushie : Friends who get ditched for love

So yeah,i'd rather be alone than in pain :)

The Storm

2009-11-04T22:03:00.000-08:00

It was the rainy season and it rain almost everyday now.But that didnt stop me from seeing my friends and shit.I was happy to know such nice people that actually cared for me.Even tho they didnt show it,coz they were guys,i can sense the kindess that they give off wheneer im with them.

"It was the day that changed my perception on everything"

It suddenly came into my mind.All the things that we did and shared.I walked to the train station to pick u up.You were talking on the phone.But i didnt care.Seeing you just makes my problems go away.We walked to my home.You were tired.I let u sleep and i watched tv.

Suddenly your hand reached out.You held my hand as you were sleeping.I watched you sleep and gave you a kiss on the cheek.It was like a dream.

"Being with you makes me forget that im a loser"

its just you i guess.Thanks.

Ive been spending some time with didiy and tasha recently.I can say that we were getting to know each other well and made me think that i can trust these two people.Theyre on my list of friends which has only 5 people in it.So , i guess it was an okay number for me.

My exam will be cumming up next week and even though i prepared myself,a part of me thinks that i will fail.And that means i will fail my bestfriend,who's always there by my side.I just need to get through this with a pokerface and study the fuck off.Wish me luck guys :')

Gratitude

2009-10-24T21:07:00.000-07:00

"I remember when we kissed.I still feel it on my lips"

I looked into her eyes and told her that i cudnt be with her animore.She cried.I laughed.It was just funny to me that sumone was crying for me.

I went to see him--a lot of times to be exact.i have never been this happy before.he's been nice to me especially when i needed help.i loved him.He was my bestfriend.

I was invited to a party that wher i had to mingle and danced with people that i didnt kno.i invited him as my date.He accepted. :)

I danced and smoked and drank like i was in heaven.It was great.I felt free and old.haha

As i danced,a lot of girls danced with me and it was kinda erotic.even for me. :p

Ther was even this one girl that was obstinate and wudnt stop dancing with me even tho her boyfriend told her off.It seemed weird that people wud actually WANTED to dance with me.HAHA. :D

As i danced and danced and danced,a lot of people were getting tired and went to rest their tired asses.But i went shisha-ing with him and talked.Then,the dj turned on my fav tune,"pokerface".

We immediately went to the dancefloor and danced.I didnt care that people were watching.I didnt care that they didnt like me.I didnt care at all.But they cheered for us. ;S

About 12 a.m,we went home and i gave him sum money coz i kno he didnt have ani money to spend.i love him.and thanks for cuming with me to the party.

Faiz <33

Lovestruck

2009-10-02T03:36:00.000-07:00

We hung out like always,just that i rushed to see him coz he didnt have the money to buy food or ciggs.We smoked about an hour then went to eat.

On the way to hijazi,he told me a secret about my mom.I cant say it here coz its too SECRET.But i tried to hold back my tears.When we arrived at hijazi,that's when i lost it.My tears suddenly came pouring out and i didnt kno how to stop.

"You,jgn ah sdeh2 "

That's what he said to me.But i just kept on crying.

"If anithink happens to her,wut wud become of me?Who will take care of me?" i said.

"Dont worry,pape jd kt u,i akn jge u"

Even tho i think dats swit and caring,the sadness was too strong to push aside.I didnt have the appetite animore and i didnt kno wut to do.i just watched him eat and we hung outside sumwher.

I was still crying and he rubbed my back,hugged me telling me everything will be alright.But at that moment,i didnt think of anithing.An hour went by and i was beginning to feel okay again.I didnt like him seeing me like this.I looked pathetic.

We smoked and before i took the cab home,i kissed his hand and he gave me a hug.i said that i loved him.Without him,i wud probably die rite now.I tend to do crazy things when im depresssed.

We were both having fever.And even tho my fever was worse,i still came for him.He was my bestfriend after all.He bought me panadols and kool fever even tho he was sick.I got home,got my rest and dreamed about candy. :)

The Crushie and The Crush

2009-09-10T00:49:00.000-07:00

We broke fast together and smoked afterwards.We were high and started telling stories about each other.its been a long time since we did this.Sitting together and talk all nite long.

Your with my ex now.I cudnt complain.Being the guy i am,im hepi for you.You found the right guy,What could i do?I can just pray that he dies. :)

Ive been thinking.And its always about you.Why cant i run away from thinking about you?

"Its because youre to dependent on me"

That's what you said.But i know deep down,you feel it too.Someday,I know we'll be together.Youre boyfren told me so

Dumbfounded

2009-09-01T00:06:00.000-07:00

I havent had the mood the post any blogs since sum things came into reality.Trials,trials,trials.Yet,i cant seem to focus on studying.ive been having mood swings. :|

well,ive noticed that people im in luv with tend to cheat on me.guess who's the guy?--Yeah,its him.Duh,sumpah penat dow.i mean,it s hard for me to search for one.but loosing them to the person i love the most?i cant even explain how the pain feels like.

I just got my elauns.RM600 ! :D
im goin shopping immediately.I guess,thats the only way i get to spend with my frens.by winning them over with money.Im pathetic :'(

Denied?

2009-08-23T21:58:00.000-07:00

i think so.after being forgotten by my so-called-friends,i just got to think dat mebi i never shud have had friends?--I think i died a little.

But i guess its ok.I spent time with my bestie and i got over the i-dont-need-friends thing.Im hungry. :p

I read that he's sad and all the other crap.DUH.I wont say anithink more la kn.u shud kno btter.Btw,i think i mite actually fast this year.haha.Faiz said that it's been a while since he had kurma, so i was happy seeing him happy with me.I dont like him being a pathetic asshole in his blogg.(can i even say dat?) LOL

I think he's too egoistic to realize that im usable to him when he nids me.yeah,im full of drama.But i guess dats me i think.Im a nerdy-emo-bitch.haha

I changed my mind

2009-07-30T00:39:00.000-07:00

"i wont stop until that love is mine"

Baby,like i said,if this is the hell that is given to me,i guess i'll just have to get thru it in stride.i kno we'll be together one day.So,u do wut u have to do.just kno that i'm always here for you.waiting. :)

i've been thinking.

2009-07-30T00:31:00.000-07:00

*SIGHS*

They say gud things cum to those who wait.well,i dun think i can wait that long.My crush is hurting me like hell.bawak blik taiping?ske hati lah.ur not even into me in the first place. :'(

Left?

2009-07-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

I just found out that uitm's across m'sia got closed coz of H1N1 thingy.i thot dat dis was my chance of getting to spend time with my frens.spe lg kn?

BUTT,die ckp na blik taiping lakkk.siod je.Rindu kaw seyalll.Blew lg na lpk kn?aku da tade smangat dow na blaja dh.

Oh,t i dpt dwit gaji,i blanje u byk2,bg u ske i blik. :)
Susah taw ta blew u ske lupe org.kdank2 i na je blasah muke u smpai hancur.tp da syg kn?u je yg ta pna syg org.i mean,u ta pna gak gtaw i about a lot of things.FUCK

Bosan dow emo2 nih.tade spe ske.dats wut u said to me always.but u jugak yg wt,jd i taleh lari la dr prasaan tu.I kno u akn ckp, "then,asal kwn i lg?" duh.jwpan die snang je syg.

KEMAK.AKU SYG KO SIAL.APE LG NA AKU CKP?

Think about it

2009-07-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

Laying my head on my needle-like worries
I pretend to sleep though I cant
Because of the thoughts about you that are more life-like than dreams
In the end, I stay up all night

The words speaks to me.i dunno.i hope u get well.knowing that ur sick and i cant do anithink makes me feel more useless than i oredi am.

I cant sleep

2009-07-21T23:38:00.000-07:00

Call it insomnia.i thot i cudnt get sad animore.i tried to be a gud friend an understand my bestfriend.but when i heard that new rihanna's song, Te Amo, i got sad.daymmmmm. :'(

"I said te amo, wouldnt somebody tell me what she said
Dont it mean I love you"

I mean,who wudnt?i kept on thinkin wher did i go wrong with that relationship.She always said how she loved her friends and scandals.But what about me?What about Adi? doesnt he deserve a chance? After all he's done for you? :(

Being without u is like loosing a limb.I'll admit it.I'm deeply and madly in love with you.I'd stay up just to think about you.Im sorry if im being the old me.But some things i just cant hold back y'know?

Ive been ther for you everytime u needed me--Haven't I?

"Te amo means i love you"

And i do.

Do i miss her?

2009-07-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

I dont think so.Im okay being alone lah. just get the freakin hell outta my life you fat-retarded-bitch :)

THE DAY OUT

Ive been better.But i cant complain rite now.i kinda like this situation.I went pokerface when speaking to my used-to-be-enemies.but i learned to forgive people in the end.hating will never get me aniwher. *DUH!

My pocket's have been pretty empty.usually because of this creature rite here :

The creature known as 'Pian'

Because i'm a good person, i always spend most of my money on them.(the classmates)But,i have yet to ask them for money?mebi i dont nid it? ;o

The photoshoot was fun.I was able to be myself around them.And i got fuckin full from eating.haha.I was majorly pissed when some of the pics got deleted by assholes that didn't kno how to hold a camera.Pundek sial.I lost my mood instantly,knowing that all the hard work was for nuthink.FUCK.

But some of the pics got saved by my Picture Retriever.Ain't technology great? :)
My fav one was this :

The phreaks : Eddy and Khai

I tried my best looking like HIM in the pics.But,i failed.LOL.Being someone else is hard. :|
Oh yeah, miss i-think-im-so-good-talkin'-shyt-bout-others I fuckin hate ur mama's ass.Its ugly,like your face. :)

Obsession : Part 2

2009-07-14T03:25:00.001-07:00

Im getting closer to the person that i used to admire.but im trying to keep it as a "just friends" relationship.i dont want people to exaggerate when i say things about him/her?

i mean, i LIKED him/her in the past,but i wudnt say that i like him/her like i used to back then.duhh.i'd be caught dead trying to flirt with her/him. :p

BUT,i kinda like the attention.It's diffrent now.

"Why am i so obsessed with you?"

i dont kno why but i have to stop i think?i might ruin a perfectly built marriage.haha :D
mebi IF im single and i dont kno wut else to do,THEN i'll make my move.i dont want him/her to feel guilty/embarassed/shy/horny just because of me rite? LOL

p/s : thanks for holding my hand.even tho i kno u were kinda shy to do it. :)

Sorry

2009-07-12T01:45:00.001-07:00

sorry to the people that i have hurt.i took sum drugs and its makin me weird and stuff.i pobabli didnt mean anythink i said?tah.

im ok now (i think).but i just wanted to say , "IM SORRY". ;(

Unlikely to change

2009-07-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

i miss having frens like i did last year.last year was so fun.i didnt care that i didnt have any frens at school.just knowing that i can be with them when i feel lonely is enuff for me.

2009 has been fuckin hell.i lost kelly,my troubles keep addink up,i lost FAIZ.well , i didnt loose him.but we're not as close as we used to be.mebi he thinks im not gud enuff?im not smart.im not gud looking.

mebi im not all of those stuff,but ive owez been ther for my frens.they owez cum 1st.i LOVE my frens.even more to my BESTFRIEND.god,i hate this year.i wish i cud go back and tell my frens not to change.

im a sad person.my heart's been broken a thousand times.but i keep smiling no matter how bad it gets.mebi im just crazy?mebi ive lost my senses.mebi im lost?i dunno,

-I wish everythink was back like it was- *cries* :'(

What is wrong with you?

2009-07-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

FAIZ.asal u da len dow?duh,u da cte kt i pape da kot.i mean,dlu i ingt lg time u cte t i sal EPOL sume.but now,tah laaa asl u da len pun i tataw r.dlu i leh napak kot yg u amik ksah sal i.i taw u syg i.but now,i ta napak da kot?

i na taw ape yg i wt kt u yg slah sgt smpai u jd cmtu?i mean,i dont nid them jerks at my school.dowang forever t kn brubah.i nid YOU.my bestfriend.duh.

sorry if ive been EMO late;y.its just that,i cant take care of myself like i used to.if only i can take my frens and go away from this place.THEN i'll be okay.coz i miss him,and that's all i ever think about these days.im despret.*sighs* :'(

Friends who gets ditched for love

2009-06-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

monday,3.35 am

I do not understand how one can go into a coma when in love.How one can completely and utterly forget the memories they shared with their friends, and forget the importance of friendship.

I would go through hell for my best friend, and if this is the form of hell presented to me - I'll ride it.Love is suppose to be a great thing. It is not suppose to make you a bitch who shuts out friends.Nobody deserves it, to be kicked out, thrown out, shoved out of somebody lifes with a quickness for just another person.in the end it never lasts anyway.

I can never wrap my head around those who don't have room for a best friend and a boyfriend.I somtimes believe that some share the belief that when you are in love with someone, they are your other half and they are all that matters. It's you and that person and no one else. That's not true. Love can be selfish in situations like this.

When you forget the ones you loved before your partner, you essentially lose sight of who you are/were.My point of view may sound like a bitter one, but that's what i've been going through a lot.and it hurts. :'(

Zero Gravity

2009-06-14T02:03:00.000-07:00

i forgot to tell about sneak out.i was T-I-R-E-D like fuck.duhh.that morning eppy was setting up the lighting and music,etc.i didnt get the time to go coz i my mum had foot pains and went to the clinic. at precisely 6 pm,i took a cab and went to eppy's house/apartment?she wasnt home yet so i just smoked at her parking spot.i looked into the sky wondering what he's doing.i felt a lil bit bad coz i didnt tell him about the party earlier.

after waiting about an hour,she finally arrived,telling me she was late,late,LATE.we went to her place and got ready.then her cousin,anis came with her super-tall boifren.haha.it was until 8.30 pm the room was hectic.everyone was getting ready. me with changing my clothes,doin my hair and shit.and the girls with their makeup and other shayytt.haha.that guy only took 15 minutes to get ready while all of us took an hour +. :

after we got ready,we went down only to know that the car didnt fit the 7 of us.eppy told me that i'll be goin with ezzy.god how i missd her.the last time i saw her was before she went to pineng. we waited about half an hour for her to get ther coz she moved to sex 27.when she finally arrived,i just went ballistic and said hi to her with no end.haha.she just gave me that swit smile she always had and said, "lame ta jupa fadil" awwww. :')

we got to kgsaas and when to the party.i cud here the music pumping from outside.i saw my ex AGAIN for the 2nd time since spade's.but i tried to ignore that feeling and got inside.there was a LOT of people ther that i know.and i was dancin with random people *weird*

i was definately goin crazy coz the music was awesome! wish he was ther too.i bumped into ellina and immediately we danced like ther was no tomorrow.haha.she introduced me to her fren tasha,i only spoke to her once,but then i danced with her like we're both lovers. i saw a lot of guys from my school and i just said hi and continued party-ing on.one girl said she liked seeing me dancing and i was fun to dance with,even tho i was dancin like a complete whore? :p

the party didnt stop until 12.20 am.i dont want to be narcistic,but thru out the party,all of the photographers were sanpping me a lot.and thats strange considering im a nerd at school.i cant forget the look on those guys's faces when they saw me at a party.it was priceless.HAHA :D

1 am i got home and went to sleep.dreaming about my bestfriend yet again.

Smiles and Tears

2009-06-10T20:45:00.000-07:00

tuesday

went out with alep.missd him a lot considering that i still didnt give him his birthday pesent.it slippd my mind at that time.miss talking to him.we talked about everything and i noticed that he has changed.a lot.but he still likes a lil kid.haha.reminds me of myself.we went to see nite at the museum 2.i felt some guilt coz I was suppose to pay for everything.and he ended up paying for the food,popcons,drinks and movies?glew sgan sialll.but while we were sitting down in the movie thingy,he said, "weh,kwn aku dtg taw join tgk muvi"

erk.okay?ckp na lpk 2 org je.glew pnipu dow.after that i just lost my mood and textd faiz.he taunted me saying "padan muke u".haha.siall je kaww.the moment the muvi ended,i got up faked a phone call and left him.he textd and called me again and again asking wher i was.i just said, "bye alep.thnx lpk ngan aku".

i tried forgetting about it and got home in time to get ready for spades party that nite.sarah promised to be my date for the nite and my cousin rafhanah asked her friend if we cud ride along.so everything was planned out.we got ther and the first guy i saw when i got up those stairs was PIAN.babi jew.i cudnt look at him tho.i tried ignoring him coz i promised myself that im goin to enjoy myself tonite.forget alep.forget pian.forget all your ex's that u saw ther.

i danced like crazy everytime the dj spinned a new tune.the heat of the others dancing got me dancing even harder.i forgot wut it was like to let loose and have fun.i looked into the crowd and screamed my lungs out.sarah danced with me and we changed with raf when she got tired.i saw a lot of my OLD OLD frens.i just said hi and continued dancing till the party ended.i was SWEATY.but i liked it.i got rid of all my worries that nite and enjoyed myself.after that we went around sha alam and then to bukit 12 and took pics.haha.i was happy.got home at about 5 a.m?

sunday

planned to go out with alep.but he was fuckin late that i got sad and went home frowning.i ignored 3 of my ex's that ran into ther.theyre all with happy with theyre new lovers.cant imagine how sad i was.faiz has changed,that makes me even MORE sad.i think i shud die. :(

monday

alep asked me out.i refused.but he gets annoyink so i went out.the moment we saw each other.both of us said,tade dwit.erkk.boring glewww.but i didnt want to hurt his feelings.i thot i cared for him(but i guess i was just trying to replace faiz for the moment?)bodoh la kaw fadil.

alep called his fren for sooo long i almost left him,he said how bored he was and urged his boyfie to pick him up.fuck.after that he wanted to go to the toilet.i went to the telephone booth and called sarah.when she askd why i calld.i said,"AKU BOSAN SIAL" alep was behind me.he just walked out and i bought him durian pancakes to cheer myself.(and him also) :p

we ate the pancakes and just sat ther.i didnt kno wut else to say.it seems like i dun hve the same feelings for him now that he's changed.when his fren arrived i just left him without saying anything.

alep :ko mne?aku na blik dh ni.adoii
me : ohh.blah je la.bye
alep : ko ske blah cmtu je kn?
me : duh.aku kn boring,blah la awl2.dh la.g la blik.ish

i miss him.i miss being with faiz too.i think it'll be a LONGGG time till i see him again.balik2 faiz.*sighs*. :'(

To a broken soul?

2009-05-31T07:27:00.000-07:00

i'll try to smile more evn tho its killing me.its time i let go of those people dat made me fall in love with them but in the end just wanted to give me false hope?ughh.fuck ur tite assholes.

i'll ,try to remember who's important to me
1.Faiz
2.Sarah
3.Azani
4.Mom

only 4?u've got to try harder eddy.haha.(why am i talking to myself?) weird.it s okay though.even tho these guys arent there always,i kno they still think of me too when theyre not busy with other stuff. :p

so just keep on smiling.let it be its fake,dont let others kno ur hurt inside.just hang in ther.good things cum to those who wait.so,just wait fadil. :'(

Falling from grace

2009-05-31T01:25:00.000-07:00

I just realized what a patient guy ive been with some of my frens.espcially to my bestie.i dont care how much he hurts me as long as i know he'll be ther when i nid him.and with him not being around animore,i shamlessly tried to find the strength dat kept me alive all this time.

but i dont have it.its been him all along.im confused by the way he made me addicted to his presence.even tho we share probs like frens do,sumtimes it crosses the boundary of our frenship.i mean,ther are certain things dat he doesnt want to hear about

"Friends are suppose to be supportive with everything you do right, but why aren't they?"

(taken from Didiy's blog : i was stupid and you broke me down)

and i agree with that statement.i found my old phone.and the messges u used to send me back when u were still that nice guy i loved.when i wasnt ther for you,u said "where are u when i needed u the most?if u are my bestie u wud understand what im goin thru".im sorry i wasnt ther.i had problems.but what about me man?where were YOU when i needed u the most?

u changed man.and i dont like what im seeing rite now.u dont seem to care animore.just when u were at her house.when i thot the old u came back,u suddenly changed to this guy i barely know.it just breaks my heart.i want the old u back.i miss him.and when i get sad and found out that ur the cause, i yang kecewa.

apologies

2009-05-30T09:06:00.000-07:00

sarah,im the one whu shud apologize.i mean,actually, i really2 didnt kno wut u were sayink at recess at YOUR spot.dats y i kept quiet and blah cmtu je.haha.sorry babe.

i like being frens with u (even tho we dont talk much) :p but i like the way u express stuff,stuff that i dun care much or i dont even kno matters to people.u talk about everythink.haha.n i mean EVERYTHING.

and i AM a softy inside.but only to people i REALLY2 care about.but if u realli knew me then u'll know that im a heartless guy.it depends on how people react to the fact that im not like them.

i dont like being a normal guy.i act diffrent if u want to know laa.contoh : at school im a diffrent person,kt lua pun len and etc.i dont think i have a real identity coz i tend to act like im 5 sumtimes.haha

but i reali liked the way my fren's brothers respons when he first met me.when i first met him,he was not interested.but after i did sum stuff,cpat2 dtg na borak2.haha.but all i did was be nice to him?pnink dowwh.even after i tried doing dat at school,NOBODY gives a dog's shit.haha.

just what do i have to do to be recognised guys?do i have to kiss sumone?or punch sumone in the balls?haha.tp cm ta ksah sgt kot.coz i know i'll owez have frens.new or old doesnt matter.as long as i can call them frens.yey! :D

Inconsiderate Homo

2009-05-29T01:33:00.000-07:00

He's a pervy homo.haha :)

silly boi 2

2009-05-21T02:56:00.000-07:00

for the past 2 weeks i havent got any sleep.dats y i accidentaly fall asleep at exams.the thing is,i memorize more when i study in the mornink.it kinda sux.i cant change my brain's lousy sense of timing.and i constantly bug my frens that are sleepink so i dun feel THAT shhitty about not getting enuff sleep.

BUTT,i hate it when i doze off at exams.cth : physics,add math n sejarah.duh! im gettink tired of this.i need coffee! :D
i miss my frens rite now.school frens sux.even when u thot that they COULD be ur frens,look what i found at one of theyre fuckin-smelly-bad grammar-sucky-crappy blogs.tikam blakank kot.duh.g mampos la korank.i dun give a fuck

btw,i made up with angie,she's such a sweetie for forgiving me.ily babe <33

silly boys

2009-05-19T03:07:00.000-07:00

i got a call from 2 guys last nite.the first one,a 20 sumthink old guy asked if i was free this saturday.

"if u free i bwak u jln2 t.i bru dpt gaji ni"

*smacks forehead* LIKE i care mann.what a pervv.boleh tak ajk tdo umah when i dont even kno the frickin guy? :|

the second guy was my long-long-long-long forgotten fren,jeffy.he called and immedeately said

"oh,i napak boi td.tp i ta tgo sbb i taw u mrah t"

huney,he's not mine la.do anythink u want to him.tp jgn dera doww.i sorang je leh.haha.mse tuh tetido time die cte sal bf die.sian doww.tp nantok glew gampank!taleh tahan dow.sorry faiz.didnt mean to do it mann.

back to the story,the 1st guy stills call me and send me weird msjs like,wher u at,or na ta kua ngan i? this is just annoyink.go bug sumone else pervy homo. :|

later i told my ex,"u had a gud guy but u cudnt keep him"haha.that'll send guilt down his small throat.*smiles*

like always they wud say theyr'e sorry and shit.duhhh.im SO not that guy animore.faiz helpd me grow up n i owe him for that.i dont deal with regretink ex's.gahhh.go jump off a building or sumtink.shissshh,ur making my life more boring than it is.

silly boys and girls.stay away people.i dont want u animore.if ure dumped,then ur DUMPED.

take note of the guy to the left.we had a blast this week.but he went away without tellink me.sumpaa i na sepak u skali.ta kiss i lagi da blahh.haha ;p

one more thing guyss.stop asking me if im single or not.im oredi smitten by another.n fyi,lgu bru tuh bkn rihanna lol.its just sum bitch searchink for quick fame.duh,i hate those kind of people.

im sittink for my mid term rite now and it kinda sux not havink him with me.derhhh,tade smangat dow.wish me luck guys.*laughs* :D

A stupid school boi

2009-05-18T23:26:00.000-07:00

NOW IM HURT :'(

just when i thot i had a chance,she left me and didnt say a word.now she's out ther with god knows who and i kno she's goin to see HIM.this is just FUCKED UP MAN.i cant deal with all of this rite now.damn it. :'(

Stuck in love with each other

2009-05-17T23:05:00.000-07:00

She thinks i have given up on myself when she cancelled our date.but she's wrong.im trying harder than EVER.i really want to win her heart.ive been in love with you for TOO long sayang.its time i made my move.

ive tried being in love with sumone else.but it didnt work.it seems like i was meant for you and you only.i find myself talking bout you when im with my other love.gosh,when i hugged u at that bus stand,i missed being with you babe.

i kno u wanted to see him or them too much,thats why i let you go with them.your happiness cums first.i just want you to be happy.duh,thats my way of telling you i care.

and MAYBE sumtimes i tell you i dont need you,but the reality is, i NEED you.u make me happy.you believed in me when i didnt even believed in my self.i much rather be with you ryte now.

i know uve been stressink a lot about ur interview,but believe me,ive been wishing u well.if u think u'd be more happier without me,then go ahead.i'll wait for you.i kno i seem like i dont care,but ntah laaaaa.thats how i feel rite now.im just trying to proove myself to you sayang.u wt i rjin blaja skank and im so grateful.tahnks babe. :)

Old memories

2009-05-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

i was checking my oold-OLD blogs and i found this comment.it was from my besfren.

Hunkie Crush

"i am watching desperate housewives and u told me u posted a blog.
and boom! im here for you baby.
well life is always dull and boring.
we're the one who suposed to make it fun.
i know, how u feel.
i feel it too. ive experienced it many times.
it feels like, THIS, is my life.
its meant to be this way.

if you think u dont have anybody, think back, think again.
i am you.
when u meet me, ure goin to say,
"ah, how pathetic are u boi." but of cos u wont say that coz ure just same like me.
LOL.

i will olweys be ur fren,
no matter what happens.
if u think its possible, trust me that i will try.
and indeed IM TRYING now." :)

duh.sumpah rndu dow ayt2 cmtuh.lg2 time nga exam nih.he's been helping me with my studies.i feel like my spirit's back since i lost kelly.gahh.whu gives a fuck bout her?evryday ive been to see him.he says he doesnt like stupid people.guess im trying to proove myself to him.

when i told him why he's been caring about me a lil too much,he said :

"i na u wt ur mum n ur sis bangge ngan u.tu pun i da leh bangge ngan u taw.make papa proud huney. :)"

what more can i say?

" I SAYANG U DOWH" :)

Private

2009-05-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

erk.ade lakk bdk kemak ta ske tgk org hepi.g ampos laaa.blog akn di private kn.bg email doww.

Forgive me

2009-05-04T00:48:00.000-07:00

i will try to silence my pain.because i realli dont like it when people ask me if im ok or not.its not like theyre helpink me or anithink.

i miss my frens.i realli do.life kinda sucks when u dont have people to talk to when u have problems.yes,now i see it.it IS diffrent without her.oh shyttt.asl ko bdoh sgt kelly?

today i kinda blew up at history.it was about number codes.mine was 5 and i forgot what my strengths and weaknesses were. =_='

but i realli blew up at the "SO CALLED BITCHES".haha.sdap je ati dowwww.i think i was havink my period? :p

i kinda want to break outta my shell and be one of THEM.but,knowink dat sum are disgusted with me,i thot back of doing it or nott.i mean,whats wrong with me mann?lek sudaaaa.if bdk rempit sume ko leh trime,wuts wrong with me rite?

but im not THAT despret.dh ta trime sudeyyy.im ok being alone.duhh! im a loner after all :)

Telling lies

2009-04-28T04:01:00.001-07:00

Today we went to cyberjaya.all three classes,sc 1,2 & 3 g.so cm rmai la kot.1st g mmu n then that other place.haha.*lupe*.mmu sumpaa bes sbb ade tnjuk katun yg student dowang sendri wt.glew lawak doww.but pegi lg stu tmpt tu je,trus cm bosaaannnnn.

stu,die bebel psal pharmacy shit and pape tah laaa kn.i mean,im soooo not into pharmacy.but dowang bebel na lme je.n that woman wanted ME to feel like i was doing sumtink wrong coz i was listening to music while sleepink.haha.dlam bus pling best kott.sbb sume cm sportink lakk na lyn.except adam sbb die tlbeyhh gayy.*gross*.as usual byk snap2 pic laaa.but kna jimat sbb memory loww glew.

n dlam bus td,adam was SUPERRRR gay.dont ask me why.he kept yelling my name out.erk,ta slesa kot?and sume cm bek la tibe2.anas was constantly sayink random stuff to me.haha.he's a funny one.but the trip home i didnt have aniwher to sit.so i was changink seats.sakit bontot dow.

didi cute :D

amira & fatnad :)

oh yeaaa,a girl asked for my number.i really didnt want to give her.i tried to lie,but i was too gud of a guy to do it.haha.but i kno she's goin to stalk me day and nite.btw,lupe mntak no anas pulakk. :p

nsib bek phone abes betri.klau ta,tade la mingle2 td ngan dak klas len.i mean,they were nice.but sum were still jerks. ;k

overalll ,it was gud day.kept my mind off thinkin shit.thnx guyss.*pics tggu ea?*

ps: sori i emo2 kt blog nad.but sdeyhh kot.sori tawww nad.

Trying to hold on

2009-04-27T01:05:00.002-07:00

well,faiz will no longer be here animore.im tryink to get back to my life when he was not here.its hard.its fuckin HARD.when ur used to seeink a person for a looooong time,its sad to see them go.knowing dat ur never see him/her again.

friday mornink,he texted me.

"Di,tido umah kwn i mlm ni?ari ni i last kt sha alam."

the moment i read this,i just thot,daymmm i never EVER thot dis day wud cum.but it did.so, fuck la.i went to my fren's house dat nite.the minute i cam in,i asked :

"mane faiz?mane faiz?"

he was in the guest room.when i opened the door,ther he was,packing his stuff.i sat down,we talked.when i was about to cry,he kissed me on the neck and said :

"u nih,ahd ni lpk2 laaa.ta pun i tdo umah u esk?tp i taleh jnji laa.u jgn nanges2 dow."
"ohh,i da nanges ptg td dh.haha."
"haha,lwak je u nihh."

but,that plan didnt happen.he went out with sumone else.i didnt care.i dont want to pressure him.i'll try to live on without u here.im sad,but i'll try.

*dis bloggg is fuckin gayyyyyy ;k

Doing my part

2009-04-24T03:26:00.000-07:00

i had to woke up early coz the bus wud take off at 7 sumtink.but,even after i got in the bus,a lot of idiots came late.yes,they are IDIOTS.

my grup was assignd the lamest coz we had to go work at the aquarium.i had to admit,at first i thot we were goin to look at penguins and stuff.BUT,we only got to pluck off weeds and crap.

derhh,bosannn kot.but the gud thing is,i got to meet new people.i mean,people that i had always see but never talkd to.we took a LOT of pics.and i was feelink super-generous coz i wasted my money on my classmates.

we finishd at 5 i fink.as we got in the bus,things changed.i guess it was becoz they were tired and all.but everyone was nice.haha.snap2 pics smpai memory pnoh lol. ;k

dpt men farah's psp *ta pna pgang kott*,and watch people sleep.btw,anas had a doll thingy in front of his-u-know-what.siyesli,i was lookink at the doll.not his dick.mann,why do people have to be perverts?the animals were common tho.i liked the sydney zoo better.aha

*pics will be uploaded.nga bz skit.

Laughing Out Loud

2009-04-17T03:29:00.000-07:00

im trying to redeem myself to my bestest peep.this guy rite here. :)

he thinks i shud change sum stuff bout me.and yeah,i do need changink.im sittink for spm this year for god's sake.ape laaaaa eddy nih. ;k

i have to studystudystudy mann.no more f-ing around.LITERALLY.no more goin out late.andand definately no more super savink.sorry sayang.haha

but,i dont have the support im used to havink. ;(

wish me luck guys. :'|

Do you know?

2009-04-14T23:21:00.000-07:00

well,ive done it.i feel like a complete fool for it.im trying to tell that person how sorry i am but that person wont listen to me animore.im nuthink more than a spec of dust.makes me think of that song which goes :

"do you know what it feels like loving someone thats in a rush to throw you away?"

well,thats how i feel rite now.i hope we're still frens.i did those things because i love you.i thot i'd loose you if i dont do sumthink.but i promise u.i'll make u proud.i wont be that guy animore.i'll proove myself to you.no matter wut happens,i stil want to save our friendship.im sorry. :'(

You know what?

2009-04-11T00:32:00.000-07:00

I GIVE UP

i lost everything.no use for me having hope.even faiz doens't gives a fuck about me now.so,whatever.

kindness denied

2009-04-04T06:27:00.000-07:00

i have figured out wut its like being TOO kind too people.they want too much outta u.hey,i know ur readink this.u'd think,that i loved u i wud do those things?sorrry skit ok.im not stupid.ive dealt with ur kind before.thats how i started using substance.just consider urself outta my life bitch.go find another dick to suck,coz ur not getting mine no more (lucahh)

ps : lately,people have not been nice to me.at school,myspace etc.tahh.i think i'll just go to my quiet life again.at least people like me then.

ps : faiz,miss u like crazy mann. :(

depression strikes me again

2009-03-28T06:59:00.000-07:00

i tried to be brave and talk to him on ym.he said he's now staying at a hostel.i miss him.he was my closest fren and i lost him because of an argument.but now its too late.im only another person to him.its hard to get over.scandals and girlfrens are easy to get over.but frens are hard for me.zul,im sorry.im a bad fren. :(

i meant nothing to her

2009-03-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

recently, i broke up with my latest ex.when i said why,she just said :

"i na u pun becoz of the SEX"

wtf mann?sumpaaa kna tempeleng skali minah nihh.well,we were only together for 2 months.so it was not that sad.but the fact dat she said she only wanted me for sex is just,ridiculous.i cudv'e been with sumone else dat was waitink for me,but i blew it off becoz of you.but now u tell me it didnt mean anythink to u?FUCK u bitch,talk to my middle finger.

i hope sumone will do dis to u.THEN,u'll kno how i felt.gth u fuckin bitch.i hate you.
:o

Nad tagged me. :)

2009-03-24T05:01:00.000-07:00

1. What's your ambition?
to have my own house :D

2.Who is more important for you. friend or boy/girl friend?
friends :)

3.How often do you think of committing suicide?
Rarely

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
em.sumtimes ; when im cranky.

5. How many babies do you want?
4

6. Favourite perfume/fragrance?
emporio armani ;p

7. What's your goal for this year?
Straight A1s,and get a special sumone's heart :)
8. Do you believe in eternity love?
I do.

9. What's a perfect partner to you?
a person who makes me happy constantly

10. What feeling do you love most?
being loved by.

11. What is your bad habit?
sleeping =_="

12. Is there anything you want to tell people that hates you?
erm.fuck u to hell?

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
of course.who wud i be without friends?

14. Describe yourself?
sarcastic,optimist,realist.

15. What do you crave the most currently?
that persons's attention

16. What's currently on your mind?
that catchy song ; dont trust me

17. What would you really like to do, like right now?
hug my bestfriend for 5 minutes

18. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
succesful and happy?

19. What do you hate the most?
when im left alone.

20. Who else do you want to answer these?
umm.faiz.

theyr'e so sweet

2009-03-22T23:54:00.000-07:00

sumpaaaaa ive been smiling since i read this :

"kau pehal kutuk fadhil nk gaduh ke? igt cukup hebat a ni.
weh, bontot² tu ayat aku.
bende kecik pn nak gaduh, bontot sial.

"dye pulak P.O.N.D.A.N + B.A.P.O.K + G.I.G.O.L.O!! low standard bitch! go to gay club la! ghahaa tgk la ape i nk buwat! wait n see"
ni pahal pulak ni. zzzzzzz.

spe anonymous ats ni? "back STEP" eje mcm ni rupenye. backstab x reti eje nk gaduh plak"

and this :

"kau bajet kau hebat ke fatimah? kau pk kau dengan geng2 kau sume hebat? tolonglah. setiap kawan2 kau tu, sume bitches! sume. drp kau smpailah ke wani babi tu, sume bitch!"

shit.dowang ni gduh2 sbb na dfend aku jew.dowang ni bek dowww.sumpaa i like these guyss.the people i NEVER thot dat will stand up for me did it.im sori for the way i am.but im trying to fit in with u guys.im trying very hard.haha

btw,i reali dun care bout this fuckin contrevesi.its just like little kids fighting.aku da matured kott.diam2 sudaaaa.haha

kpd 4 ekor pompan yg mmg TADE org na kwn tuh,i have some advice :

"just give up oredy.im too good of a competition for u guys.dont humiliate urselves laaaaa.aku ta ksah pun ape korangf na ckp.im a big guy now.ta perlu laaa na gduh2 ni.lgpunnn,ape korang ckp tuh btol ke ha POKEYMAK?"

i dont stoop THAT low la.na gduh,g gduh sowang2 okeyhh? :))

btw,thnx PIAN,AMJAD,ANAS and dat anonymous guy/girl.thnx for sticking up for me.i'll be nicer to u guys from now on.haha.

that guy and those bitches

2009-03-13T04:09:00.000-07:00

he smelt like roses.haha.dats a lie!but he smells friggin good.haha.but i wont tell u guys who is it.but i fink u guys kno him. :)

ohh,those girls were actink like whores again.haha.like i care?pffft.i dont look down on people like that.& fyi,theyr not from my class.soo,jgn nk pasan la pokeymak nye betina.HAHAHA.
:D

another ordinary day

2009-03-13T04:05:00.000-07:00

im at flink coz it was the only place wher the internet connection didnt suck.haha.i was desperadoo to see britbrit's new video. :D

i sooooo love dis song rite now.haha.&& btw,pyan pasan dowwwwwww.
:D

7th of March 2009

2009-03-07T00:09:00.000-08:00

wow.proovink wut i can do to sum people made them wantink me more.haha

1.i just said ily to another girl in front of Ina and she immediately wanted MY attention.haha
2.touchink my girl-friend,Iqa made Ayeshah jeles.she said "jge2 skit tngan tuhh". :D
3.i hugged my guy-friend in front of his scandal and he made dat ugly-jeles face.haha
4.i held hands with my fren while otw to see HER bf.haha.no offence ea Zahir? :p

the little things i do trigger diffrent reactions in people.haha.but i never paid attention kott. :p
alaaa dlu pun si Ekin pgang2 tngan Acap,aku ta marah punn?

Ohh,Alep said he's goin to dlete his myspace account.sian die awww.hope ur well n i wish u gud luck awww keyh?

BTW,i just met this one group of guys n girls from sex 9, && the funny thing is,they ALL wanted me to come to their sports day tomorrow.haha.i fink i made a gud impression. :D

Butt,sorry guys.tomorrow im gonna go hang with my beshtie.lme kott ta lpk kn faiz??mish u doww.cant wait to see u! :))

what you mean to me

2009-03-05T00:18:00.000-08:00

i know i let u down a lot with my actions,but i just want u to kno dat ur MY life.its hard for me to keep a straight face when u say things dat hurts me.ure the only thing dat i got rite and i dont want to let u go ; not for anythink.

remember the days when u used to kiss me for no reason at all?and u wud hug me and hold my hand when i was sad?well,i miss dat a lot.i just cant make u see how much u mean to me.u never care.u treat me like sum other guy,but u forgot dat i know u better than those guys u call ur "romeo".

u got sad when they broke ur heart.but wut about mine?they dunno u enuff to kno how u are and wut u do.u always say things dat make me stronger.sumtimes i can get my self together just because of you.but u dont see that dont you?

-im just another guy to you-

what the fuckk?

2009-03-04T03:40:00.000-08:00

yesterday i sat down for my "awal-tahun test".and i can say dat it was okeyhh.maths was easy.and sum like physics,chem and agama wass hardd ohh.shitshitshit.but i did the best dat i cud.and we were to sit in alphabetical order for physics.the shitty part is that pyan had to go sick at the backk.

i was like,oh shitt doww.sape na tlong time add maths kang? ;(
but i didn't kno it was only for that time so after i found out i was ok.haha.

i reali dunno wut to do rite now.thinkink of my fren,faiz and npt seeing him makes me sad.after losink a lot of frens,im all alone now like i used to be back then.i thot the old me wud never come back,but he did.shit.

listening to : i will be by Avril Lavigne.

a funny,funny day. :)

2009-02-25T02:16:00.000-08:00

my recent ex,fifi was the patient type.even tho i text her sumtimes,i mean like i sumtimes msg her once a day.but she never had dat thot of me havink an affair with sumbody else.actually i was.haha.it was ieysha ofcoz.yea i kno,i was a jerk.but the thing is,i was crazy in luv with fifi from day one.but she grew into dis person i dont even kno of.

i dont she's used to me postink things on my myspace page.i like doing it.i owez had dis sense of putting the people i luv for show.i want the world to kno bout them.(sounds crazy ryte??)

well,i woke one monink after talkink to her the nite before.i looked at my phone:

*1 new message

i clicked on it.it was her.dis is wut she said :

"hey u,i just want to clear sum things up.i dont want dis animore.because obviyesli im not ieysha(WTF??).im just the funny fifi.but dont worry.im not offended at all.so , u tc la k? :)"

"haha.ok2.u pun tc aite?"

dats all i said.

i wasnt dat sad actually.i didnt feel anythink at all.i just read it like it was another msg from another person.soooo,im ok.its her loss aniweii.hahahaha.

btw,today i learned TWO things :

1)never sit in front of Seth or u'll be called a pig like Amira did.haha

2)never arm wrestle with pyan. :))

a nightmare that wont go away

2009-02-22T00:35:00.000-08:00

i like to care for the people i love.but sumtimes they jez dont understand wut i do for them.one nite when i was seeing one of my closest and bestest frens,he told me:

"u,lpas ni i ta gne phne dh.i kna pulangkn phne i.so,pasni i tataw na kntek u cane"

it was sad.i just hugged him and went home.dat nite i texted him.

"u,i na blikn phne tuk u.i taleh ta ckp ngan u.i leh mati kott."

i send it to one of his frens num.he's the only one i have left in my lonely and pathetic life.i cant imagine life without him.rite now,i dont have anybody.but i can say dat he's startink to get annoyed with me.i mean cmon,if kelly was patient with all those time,i can imagine wut its like for him.i went to see him just now.he said sum things dat left me confused,sad,frustrated,lost and depressed.he said dat he doesnt want me in his life animore and im just another fren to him.not his bestfren animore.i mean,WHAT THE FUCK man?why do all of dis has to happen to me?wut did i ever to do u?dont u rmember all the times we spent together?and all the things we did together?and all the stuff i did for u?DONT U FRICKIN REMEMBER THAT!?i mean, WHAT AM I TO U HA?AFTER ALL THOSE THINGS I DID FOR U?!

if i had the choice of losing u or losing my own life,i'd rather die.dat's how much i love u.but u never understand dat do u?u think im just like those other guys dat got their hearts broken?am i not special to u as u are to me?i miss spending time with u like we did during the holidays.it was the most greatest time of my life so far.now,when i ask if u wanted to cum with me to aniwher,u said no.a straight NO.i dunno who did dis to u.y u became dis person dat i no longer knew.i miss the old u.when u were still in taipink.i miss the old u wher i shared my problems and my life with.i miss the old u wher u were the one i turn to whenever i have any problems.i miss u faiz.i siyesli do.

but u broke my heart like i was nuthink to u.why?i try not to be siyes with u.but i have to.not all the times,just sumtimes.ur the only one i have rite now.i oredy told u.im at my knees asking u to think back when we first met.how we treated each other.how we respected each other.

my minds scrambled.i dunno wut to think.i hope u're still ther for me.coz im cryink and i cant stop.please dont leave me faiz.ur the bestest fren a guy cud have.dont do it,plis. :'((

fairytale destroyed

2009-02-22T00:18:00.000-08:00

it was raining.dats all i can remember dat day.in fact,i remember sum things dat happend to me.but all was non-good oriented. ;S

to start,i got this crush on my fren,A.we met last year i think.i fell in love with her after we met at klcc.she made me feel like heaven on earth.aha.that is until 3 days ago.

i was bored so i just asked a random question:

"eyh, u skank ngan spe?"

i thot she was goin to say "im single la" or sumtink like dat.BUT,she said:

"ohh,i skank ngan fendi tu la u.npe?"

dat broke my heart into a milion tiny bits.huh.i was heartbroken.i stopped talkink to her immedeately.after i didnt reply her msgs and calls,she said

"u,i mntak maaf la i bg u arapan slame ni.i tataw npe i ta gtaw u.lgpun klau i kapel ngan u,i ta siyes.i ta pna siyes lam rlationship.klau i kapel ngan u pun,i akn g men ngan org len gakk.i ni jaat."

i just stared at dat phone and cried.cried my heart out.if anyone knew her like i did,she was the most nicest person i have ever met.she cares a lot about me.yet she told me she was taken at the last minute.glew shit oh.i felt like dyink.

she says she still wants to be frens,but i dunno wut to do.im confused.im lost. :((
i oredy bought her bday present and wanted to be my gf when i meet her again,but dats not goin to happen i guess.

as im typing dis,i cried.all the things dat we had shared was just a lie.i cant accept the fact that we'll never be more than frens.im sad i'll never kno wut its like to be with her.but i guess thers no use cryink over sumbody dat doesnt cares.i have to move on.but it'll be hard.*cries* :'(

"i was crying on the staircase begging u plis dont go"

blamed for no reason

2009-02-17T01:27:00.000-08:00

well,today i went to school as usual.altho kely wasnt ther, i tried my best to get thru the day.all the classes went as they always did.except for agama wher everyone called me sumtink.(didnt pay much attention dat time) ;p. REHAT! i was alone.haha.i usually spend my break time with kely.since she was abscent,i had to do the next best thing.try to find other people to hang out with. i just hung out with sum guys from my class.(tipu)and then i switched groups.i went from one group to another.i felt silly coz i was owez the shy one(tipu lagi).plus,it was tiring.haha.siap ade satu grup ni ckp:

"oi fadil,ko ni ta reti duk diam ke ha?"

glew trase doww.i just said,

"oi kemak , ske ati aku la bdowh!"(padan muke!)

bell rings.recess was over.i went to class and sat.it seems dat the longer i tried to spend my time with my classmates,they eventually accepted me.funny ryte?the people who used to call me names and left out on my own now wants to be frens with me.haha.dat seems SO ridiculous to me.but i was bored, so i just "mingled".haha thers dis one guy in my class.siyesli,i dunno wut his problem is.mebi he's mentally retarded or just a fuckin pervert.he likes to touch me.i mean like , TOUCHING me.grossgrossgross.plus he's a BIG person.adoii. so,it was English.i totally forgot about my oral test.i was the leader of my group(sum leader i was!).when one of the group was presenting,one guy said dat he switched topics.i asked him :

"sape pndai2 sruh tuka topic?aku da wat topic yg ktorang kna present la wey"

then he got pissed(i guess?) and said:

"woi, ko tu ta ona na amik kisah sal oral kn?ko ta pna na tanye aku sal oral kn?aku ngan acap da tuka topic mse tuh"

i was like,bpak pokeymak ko nih.aku da r ktua.ko r ptut gtaw aku dlu klau na tuka topic ke ape.bpak bdowh ko ni.i told dis to one of my new-and-likeable-friend, fatnad.after i told her and amira the whole story,obvyesli they were on my side.fatnad said:

"ko wat bdowh je fadil.sape sruh men tuka2 topic je.die yg slah bkn ko.lgpun ada org tuh ckp die ni annoyink"

taww xpe!i said.haha.i dont want to get in a fight with him.coz,a lot of them oredy hate me as it is.i dont want to be addink fuel to that fire.when it was my turn to present,i went to the teacher and said:

"teacher,can we talk?" ;(

here goes:

"well,my team was supposed to do the subject u gave us ryte?BUT,sum guys went behind my back and switched topics without ME knowing.so,im a little frustrated and a bit confused.i oredy finished printink sum of the things we were SUPPOSED to present."

then she said:

"i understand,but i scheduled u to present today,but its ok.i'll just move u to next week and u can present then.is dat ok with u?"

"yes!yes! thnx teacher!"

so i have only a few days to be ready with ANOTHER topic and present it next week.so thnx amer.u really made my day swell.

"trying to fit in but no one would let me in"

that kiss

2009-02-11T23:26:00.000-08:00

Last Sat i met up with Ieysha after 2 months(i think?).Of all the scandals i have,she's on my top 5.haha.she lites up a room with dat smile of hers.yet she still says that she's not worthy to be with me.Actually i never cared about how she looks or anythink.i like her for who she is.she owez makes me smile whenever im with her.i love u laaaa ieysha. :))

well,she called ME sayink dat she wanted to see me dat nite.i went to the playground which i shared a lot of memories with my ex's and scandals with.she was sittink on the bench watchink the full moon.she smelled like dat body shop perfume.(amorito kott?)i went behind her and said,

"sha,imy".

she looked at me and gave me a hug.she also gave me my birthday present.(a plushy!) :D

we talked(a lot).from guys n girls to family n school to life.she looks so different now.when i first met her,she was the most shyest girl ever!but now,i see her as sumone else.u da byk brubh la sha!tp i still syg kt u.as we were talkink,she kept on sayink dat she was goin to miss me.i just chuckled and said,

"u ni lucu laaaa.ofcoz la jupa u lg nnti".

then,i tried sayink sumtink dat i had owez wanted to tell her but cudn't.i said i love u to her for the first time.she smiled and just laughed.after 2 hours we were still talkink and i said sumtink stupid.

"sha,i na kish u leh ta?"

i ckp pun as a JOKE ok?but die lakk ckp ok.at first i ta cye kottt.i mean,kissink at a public place?(ta bek taw!).haha.but she kissed me at the cheek and i blushed.i started to stutter.haha.glew sgann dow.but we did it.i dunno why but i liked it.i swear my face was blushink like hell.adoi.

the she said,

"adil,i mish u oredy".

hm.dat made me kish her cheek and say,

"i jnji i akn ingt u ok sha?.i syg u ."

about 11 p.m mymum told me to come home imedeately.so i told ieysha dat i had to go.siyesli,parting with her almost made me cry.even tho i dont see her dat much,dat kiss made me think otherwise.last nite she called me coz she felt lonely.i talked to her till 6.30 a.m.since i had to go to school,i told her to call later coz i had to get ready.she was fine with it.we said gudbye and hung up.i wish i cud spend my valentines with her,but im stuck with another person. :p

but im really goin to miss her. ;((

fadil , u r so pathetic.

2009-01-28T09:17:00.000-08:00

a week before my bday i got excited thinkin dat i get to spend it with my closest friends.
a few days before my bday i told everyone , "aku na adiah taw!". or ,"weyh nnti bday aku wish aw".but god how i was wrong.

one.faiz cudn't be ther.he had to go back to taipink for reasons i dunno.(he wants to be with his family)that REALLY2 broke my heart.but i tried to hold on.
two.kiki mintak break.dat sucked even more coz we shared a lot of memories.i got sad but i remembered wut faiz told me and dat got me to hold back my tears.
three.kelly cudn't make it at the last minute.i dunno why she didn't confirm with me earlier, but wutever la.
four.NO ONE came.not even one person.i just hung with frens dat were ther n dat i bumped into.
five.pyan forgot it was my bday ; even tho i told him the day before.he had to go sumwher.

i got ther about 2.30pm when kelly said she cudnt make it.n sum other people too.i broke into tears ryte then n ther.i know, im always alone n people wud think dat im used to it but cmon, even on my birthday?i was at the park at dat time so no one knew i cried.as i walked to get my head off the current drama, things keep cuming into my mind."fadil,ko xpaham2 ke?tade sape dtg r.just go home".but i didnt.i tried to lie to everyone dat i had a gud tyme when i didnt.i stayed ther till 9.30pm.then i told myself "fadil,dh la.duk kt sni lme2 pun tade spe akn dtg.blik r".dis tyme i obeyed.so i went home,thinkin why the hell do i even try?

i got home.staring at the walls thinking, i have no friends.i had always told myself dat just try to make frens.but all of them are just fake.they dont care its ur bday or anythink.god,im so sad ryte now.its enuff dat i had to take dis shit every day of my life,but even on my birthday?dats just wrong.i try to look on the gud side.i always do.but now i dont even see that side no more.

dat nite i called faiz.im such a fool for hym.u can say wut u want but i dun care.i stil cant cntrol my feelings for him n he keeps telling me stuff bout other guys(i dont mind).siyesli,i dunno wut to say animore.i keep staring at the walls thinkin dat mebi sumting gud wud come after dis.but i kno im wrong.im listening to katy's new single,(thinking of you) and the only person dat comes into mind is faiz. i tell myself im such a fool.im just a fren to him.kdank2 i get so upset coz i cant except dat fact.im stupid, i kno.

im starting to blabber again,i think i shud stop.i wont be sleeping tonite considering the fact of wut happend.all i can say is dat my birthday sucked.the end.